How To Talk About Sex With Your Partner
Talking about sex with your partner doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something wrong – maybe you want to experiment with new positions or introduce toys into the bedroom? Either way, it can be a tricky conversation topic to bring up, let alone have, with your partner.
Whether you’re unhappy and want to change that, or you’re loving the sex life you have currently and now want to take it to the next level, your partner is the one person you should be comfortable having the conversation with.
Here’s a few tips on how to do just that…
Don’t talk about sex right after sex
It’s not a football game. You don’t need to do a post-game analysis of how each of you performed during the last half, discussing what worked well and what could be improved. Unless of course you have nothing but praise – then by all means talk about sex after sex.
If you begin talking about what you like, don’t like and what could be improved right after sex, your partner is only going to think you had the worst time of your life and they’re clueless when it comes to pleasing you.
You don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt, so don’t rush into the conversation like a bull in a China shop. Start off by telling them that you love them, that you enjoy the sexual relationship that you have, but you’ve had an idea or two on how to make things even better. Or maybe you want to ask them questions – that’s OK too. Just think before you speak because you don’t want to sit there afterwards cursing yourself for phrasing the conversation wrong and feelings worse than you did before you said anything in the first place!
Find a time when you’re both comfortable to talk about it
You both need to be comfortable enough to discuss your sexual relationship, it can’t just be that you’re ready so it has to be discussed now. You really need the right time, location and atmosphere. Some couples prefer to set some ground rules before they talk about intimacy, such as;
- No laughing at the language being use – yes, we just said “boobs”, why is that so funny?!
- Confidentiality – your friends don’t need to know that you’re working to better your sex life, that’s for you and your partner to know only and is NOT a Friday night conversation topic down the pub with friends
- Listen without interrupting one another
- Respect each other’s opinions – just because you like/don’t like something, doesn’t mean your partner agrees with you
- Promise to not be offended – let’s be fair, couples who communicate and work on things together go on to have the best sex. These conversations aren’t there to pick holes in your technique, they’re to improve the relationship and take the experience to a whole new level
Dutch courage is OK…
… Just don’t get a little carried away and down a whole bottle of vodka or a whole crate of beer before you start talking. You’ll only make the situation a million times worse, no doubt convincing your partner that they’re the worst lover you’ve ever had and they’ve never been able to satisfy you. One or two drinks is acceptable, assuming you can handle your drink that is!
Ask for feedback
It sounds a little odd, but bear with us. If you’re trying something in the bedroom, even if it’s something you’ve done a million times before, it’s OK to ask your partner how they’re liking it – just wait for a response. Similarly, don’t be afraid to guide them during oral or intercourse to show them what it is that you like and what works best for you. We all assume that because we’ve been with someone for a few years (or more) that we know what makes them tick – but that’s not necessarily true. If you don’t get to know what each other like and doesn’t like the sex risks becoming boring, monotonous and rigid.
And remember… it’s only awkward if you allow it to be awkward
This is someone you’re intimate with on a regular basis; someone that you share your life with; someone who has seen you at your best AND your worst. Most likely someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel or suggest something that you want to try and/or change.
Found in Sexual Health